I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
