i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
