Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
