she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
