The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
