Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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