My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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