I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
