this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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