he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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