she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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