How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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