You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
