You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize