I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
