bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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