you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
