She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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