When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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