Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
