Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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