EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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