I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
