pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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