Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
