I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
