I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How naked do you want me to be?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
