Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
