How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize