yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
