I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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