shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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