Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
