Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
