just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
