if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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