just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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