Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
