So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
