yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
