WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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