either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize