There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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