What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
