everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
