Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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