I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
