Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my liver is dry heaving
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize