Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
