this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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