this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
