I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
