May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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