well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
