I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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