Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
