i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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