ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
