Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
