also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
