The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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