There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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