i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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