I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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