All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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