HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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