This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
