i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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