He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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