chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
